The Final Chapter

7:15 AM

On Friday night, I urged my mom to try to get some sleep in the bed that the hospital had provided, and I went and sat by Parker.

Having Parker in the hospital has been a unique experience. Aside from all of the tubes he is hooked up to, he seems totally normal. His coloring is fine, his hair is messy, and it just looks like he is sleeping. It seems like he is going to wake up at any moment and talk with me.

I sat by his side and held his hand for the better part of an hour. I was able to talk to him. I expressed my love, and expressed all of my feelings.

Oddly enough a few weeks ago I had the impression that I should write a letter to him detailing my feelings of love, regrets and anticipation. I wish I had done it. Maybe he could have read it and I would have some closure. 

As I spoke to Parker, I expressed how I have loved growing closer this past year. When we were both in high school we were able to play on the same Water Polo Team. We forged a bond of friendship, so it was not just being in the same family anymore- we enjoyed being together. Whenever I would visit home, since I had moved out for college, our relationship had grown to a place where we could banter back and forth about different topics from politics to Kid Cudi’s newest album. 

I told him how I did not want him to go, but my heart was completely at peace. It was as if something was preventing me from feeling heart-rending grief. I think that the Lord knew it was not the time, and my soul was comforted. I literally felt like my whole being was encased with the warm, soft embrace of the Savior. I told Parker that I always pushed him because I saw his potential. In everything he tried: water polo, football, academics- he seemed to excel in. I was excited for his future. I told him how I had been looking forward to finding out where he would serve a mission, who his wife would be, and how our kids would hang out together at family reunions. I was excited to see him find a passion in life, cultivate it and make a career out of it. I was so ready to see his potential blossom. I  told him that I knew this might not be what was going to happen, but that he should always remember how much I love him.


(As I am writing this, my eyes just fill with tears and my mind floods with images of Parker at different times of his life, and all of his different goofy expressions.)

After a while a physician showed up to check on him and I got out of her way. I went into the waiting room and read all of your guys’ wonderful posts on Facebook and your loving comments. They really have helped out my family so much.

At about one o'clock, I felt like I needed to go back and see him. When I was there, the monitoring physician for the night came to talk to me. After introducing herself she asked where my mother was. I told her that she was getting some needed sleep in the parent’s sleep rooms, and I would like her to be undisturbed for as long as she could. The physician agreed, and let me know how Parker was.

Parker was getting worse. The staph infection was overtaking him and the antibiotics were not able to work on the other infections. The condition of his lungs had worsened, and as a result, even though he was on a lung-heart bypass, his blood was not getting enough oxygen. The poor boy just did not look like himself. Getting worse was the exact opposite of what Parker needed. I sat by him again, and looked on as the nurses bustled around him. 

As I looked at my brother lying on the bed, I was filled with the gravity and seriousness of his situation. I remember holding his hand, and just sobbing. I did not want to bother my family, but I received a distinct impression that the rest of my family needed to be there soon. I called my dad and told him to get my siblings up here, and then I went to wake my mom. In the hour that it took the rest of my family to drive up to Salt Lake, my mother and I sat on chairs outside of Parker’s room in the ICU. We cried tears of grief for what was about to happen. Dad, Hailey, Sterling and Sean came to the room, and we were able to say our goodbyes and express our love.

Our sweet, blue eyed boy passed away just after three o’ clock Saturday morning.

Our family has come to peace with his passing. A some point we all need to leave this mortal existence.  We know the Lord has a need for him on the other side of the veil. 

Earlier I had posted about all of the small little miracles I saw the Lord grant us on Thursday. Some may wonder why the Lord would do that if Parker was still going to pass away. Why make it last any longer? I personally believe the reason why his body survived for so long was for his family and close friends could get a chance to say goodbye. I knew that I needed that time alone with him, to talk with him. 

I only wish that he could have talked back.

Here is to our sweet, blue-eyed boy. We will never forget him and he will always be in our hearts. 

I cannot wait to see him again.

 Our family has been given comfort and strength because of the atonement and resurrection of Jesus Christ and His Plan of Salvation. For more information on what we believe, please go to

Join with us in celebrating Parker's life.

Viewing: Friday Feb. 8th 6-8 pm

Viewing and Memorial Service: Sat Feb 9th
9:30-10:30 am - Viewing
11 am- Noon - Memorial Service

All services will be at:

LDS Meetinghouse Edgemont South Stake Center
Canyon Road/ 350 East  2950 North
Provo, UT 84604

The Parker Allred Memorial Fund at KeyBank has been established in lieu of flowers.

We would like to thank the PICU staff of Primary Children's Hospital in SLC. The care you gave my brother was exceptional. Your expertise, professionalism and kindness strengthened us in our time of need.

We know this is a time of grief, and we ask that if you have any thoughts, feelings, pictures or experiences to share, please post it on the Facebook Page I made for this purpose, I will be creating a slideshow of pictures for the funeral, so if you have any that you would like to submit, please email them to

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  1. Madison You are such a wonderful sister and friend. Thank you for the strength and love that let you write these words my heart is with you. I was thinking perhaps his funeral will really be is mission farewell as he goes to sere the Lord in Heaven.
    We all love you here! kisses and hugs to your entire family

  2. Thank you so much for writing this. Your faith and testimony about the resurrection and a continuing existence in Paradise to do missionary work is so deeply touching. These are the kind of experiences that people need to hear to help them live better lives. So much pain yet so much to look forward to when we're reunited with our families. This is real. If people will just read about the First Prayer they will feel the Holy Ghost tell them that it is all true. God bless you to move on with success in all of your endeavors knowing full-well that your brother is extremely happy and doing well and will be there to happily greet you later!

  3. Tears. Thank you for sharing this powerful personal story. The Lord's hand is truly all things. I hope we can all learn and grow through all of this and that our faith may be strengthened. My prayers go out for your family. <3

  4. God bless you, and in the unexpected tender moments in the weeks, months and years to come when you miss him extra much. I don't know any of you, but as a member of the same human family I have been praying for all of you.
    Again, may God bless each one of you.
    Gwen Soper
    Orem, UT

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    1. Madison,
      You're an amazing girl & an awesome sister. I am so sorry for your loss. I will be praying for you and for your family in this time of sorrow, but like you said he is in a better place now and it's where the Lord needs him to be. Thanks for being such a great example to me of never ending faith and love. I love you!
      Liz Kaouk

  6. Madison,

    Your expressions of love and faith are inspiring. I am so sorry for your loss, but know the Savior's love will heal your pain over time. My thoughts and prayers will continue to be for peace and comfort for you and your family.

    Eileen Wyckhuyse

  7. This comment has been removed by the author.

  8. Difficult to find the words. Thank you for your strength you and your siblings showed last night with the football team gathering. I wish I could pass all of the hugs and tears on to all of you. Know that he was deeply admired and loved by all.

  9. You don't know me, I'm an American, graduate of THS and now living in Korea. I read your story.

    I am so sorry for your loss.

    And I would add that though I am sure you have felt great peace, you will surely also feel grief beyond compare. That doesn't mean you don't have faith, it just means you miss him.

  10. From a fellow 1989 T-bird...

    Gone From My Sight
    by Henry Van Dyke

    I am standing upon the seashore. A ship, at my side,
    spreads her white sails to the moving breeze and starts
    for the blue ocean. She is an object of beauty and strength.
    I stand and watch her until, at length, she hangs like a speck
    of white cloud just where the sea and sky come to mingle with each other.

    Then, someone at my side says, "There, she is gone"

    Gone where?

    Gone from my sight. That is all. She is just as large in mast,
    hull and spar as she was when she left my side.
    And, she is just as able to bear her load of living freight to her destined port.

    Her diminished size is in me -- not in her.
    And, just at the moment when someone says, "There, she is gone,"
    there are other eyes watching her coming, and other voices
    ready to take up the glad shout, "Here she comes!"

    And that is dying...

    Death comes in its own time, in its own way.
    Death is as unique as the individual experiencing it.

  11. I am so sorry for your loss. We have never met, but we are second cousins through the massive-Allred-line. I just want you to know I have your family in our prayers.

    Love, your Texas family.

  12. For me, a girl you don't know, would you continue to blog? Your life has taken a sharp turn but I know that you can be so blessed by these chances to draw nigh unto God. And you now have the means by which to bless so many lives through this blog whether it be about memories or your own experiences and thoughts of the present. I don't care what it is that you say, but I have like many have been so touched by your strong testimony that I make a simple request that you keep typing for all of us who need a spiritual pick-me-up now and again.

  13. We are here, Grandma Allred, Terri Allred and Brent Allred, touched by the sweet thoughts you have expressed. Thank you Madison. Thank you Layne, Kristen, Sterling and Hailey. Thank you for being such a bright spot in our lives. We looked forward to staying with you. Parker and Sterling were so polite to share their room with us. They slept downstairs. But most of all we enjoyed the spirit of your family, the love, the laughter and enthusiasm for the good in life. We love you all so much.

  14. What a beautiful tribute to your sweet younger brother. I do not know your family, but would like to. Your brother sounds amazing and you sweet Madison are delightful. While you are going through the difficult mortal part at being separated in this earthly life, how very blessed you are to KNOW that you will see him again. How blessed we all are, because our loving older brother Jesus Christ provided a way through the gift of the Attonement for us to be reconnected to our earthly family and friends. Please take time to grieve the loss of your sweet blue eyed brother, but then go out and celebrate his life. He will be with you every day, I promise. My deepest and most sincere sympathy, warmly, Pat Spencer

  15. I have also been touched by your words. My son Koli knew Parker, they are in the same class, he said Parker was a really nice guy. It is an eye opener to realize how fragile life is, I've been hugging mine extra tight lately. On Monday there is a blood drive going on at my work, I've decided to donate, inspired by your plea for people to do so. God bless you and your family at this time.

  16. you dont know me. i live in wisconsin with my two children who are just a year younger than your brother. last week my father called from Orem. he has never met you or your family but he had heard about your brother's dire situation and asked me to pray for him and for your family. please know that my children and i did pray and your story and strength has touched us deeply. i now pray that the Lord's love will be showered upon upon you all.

  17. Madison, you and your family don't know me, but I'm so grateful for the chance I had to get to know your sweet Parker through your blog. I can't begin to imagine what you have gone through, but my little sister also passed away 7 years ago. I want you to know that the pain will dull and that it gets better. Your life will be full again and you can be happy. Your brother will be a major part of your life for the rest of your life, and he will be your guardian angel. So many people are praying for you and your dear family. This quote helped my family a lot. Hang in there <3

    “No pain that we suffer, no trial that we experience is wasted. It ministers to our education, to the development of such qualities as patience, faith, fortitude and humility. All that we suffer and all that we endure, especially when we endure it patiently, builds up our characters, purifies our hearts, expands our souls, and makes us more tender and charitable, more worthy to be called the children of God . . . and it is through sorrow and suffering, toil and tribulation, that we gain the education that we come here to acquire and which will make us more like our Father and Mother in heaven.” -Orson F. Whitney

  18. Hi Madison, you don't know me but I know your dad and your Aunt Valene for that matter. I grew up with them and had not crossed paths with them for many years until Saturday just after Parker's funeral. I was too late to be at the viewing but sat in the back, way in the back. I was praying the whole time as I listened to messages and felt the outpouring of the Spirit that I would have the chance to see my old friend. At the end of the service I walked out the east door hoping for the chance to see Layne. Right as I went out the door, there he was I guess waiting for the limo. I called his name and I could tell right away he knew who I was even though the last time we stood that close to each other was when we were in our early 20's just of our missions. I really didn't know what to say. We said just a few words and then I heard my name. I turned around and it was Valene. I must say it was a surreal but most wonderful moment for me to share that moment with them. I am also most grateful to have been at Parker's celebration. It was not only the most un-sad funeral I've ever been to, it was the most uplifting. Calling it a celebration was so appropriate. I walked away from there with a whole new commitment to life. I think everyone there walked away realizing how precious and limited our time is and how we cannot waste it! What an important message that is.

    So I thank you and your family for that moment. I really don't have the words to express my gratitude. All I can say is thank you and God bless your family.

    Jay Morrison

    p.s. I live just north of you in Highland and would love to have our families become acquainted. If you could have your dad email me at I would greatly appreciate it.



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